so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
