My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
