Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
