I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
