I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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