cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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