Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
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So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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