you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
