my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
