Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
