whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
