So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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