I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
