i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
