we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
