the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
