how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize