I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
