even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
