so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
