So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
