I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
