so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up under a house in Key West
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
