my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
