my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
