Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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