Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
