last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
