i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
love makes seman taste better
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
