D3 body, D1 cock
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
