hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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