he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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