New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
