This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
