Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
