I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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