when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have fence marks all over my body
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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