Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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