are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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