Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
