he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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