If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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