I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
