He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
