It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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