What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
