I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I want is dick and wine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
