Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
