We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
