the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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