WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
