Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
