worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
