Can i not drive my cunt home
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
