how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
