I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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