when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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