Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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