My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
