it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
