hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
