Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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