I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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