This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
