david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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