I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
