ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
