So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
