i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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