Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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