i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
