I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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