She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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