I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
