Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
